A friend recently said that fear is thinking you can't handle what comes your way. I think there is something to that.
My recent epiphany is that I get to choose my level of visibility. I am not sure why this is surprising. Actually, I am sure why. Even before I started typing that sentence, I knew why. Because I inhaled the message that what others did was what I should be doing, too. Easier to blend in that way. (This is one on what apparently will become a long list of vestiges of living invisible.) Some years ago there seemed to be a popular milestone, a marker of success if you will, that if you were a female musician and wanted to be a rising star, that you would appear naked on your first album cover. If I were a musician at the time, I probably would have done it, as if to say, “Here I am world! Take all of me, as I am! I am busting out proud!” and more about baring my soul, etc. Of course, that was assuming you were one of the “beautiful people”, as we used to label them. (Sure, there all kinds of things wrong with that confession.) My point is this (ok, there are a few I’m squeezing in here.) 1. Beware of “group think.” Just because others are doing it, doesn’t mean I have to, or am comfortable with it. 2. Know thyself. What are my limits, values, comfort zone, boundaries? Guess what, I get to choose! 3. Judge not, lest ye be judged. (If you live in fear of judgement by others, you’ll do what you can to avoid it, hedge your bets.) (vestige 2) (I’m judging the bright, beautiful, talented women who did that because I am jealous and wish I were all that and that confident, too, if that is what that is.) 4. Someone really should edit this blog. So, back to the epiphany. Right, I don’t have to bare my naked self, physically or emotionally, to shift from shadows to the light. What am I comfortable with? What works for me? I GET TO CHOOSE! Rest assured, I won't be posting a naked self-portrait. That said, I do believe that most artwork, at least of mine, is autobiographical. For me, creating art is a process of exploring what I think, feel, know and need or want to learn. It generally starts with, and often ends with even more, questions.
Resting in the Garden, 2018, 12" x 12", hand stitched and appliqued silk organza layered over drawn and embellished canvas. Donation for One Lafayette in support of their critical arts-in-community funding.